#I KNOW THIS IS OOC BUT LISTEN. THIS IS SOOOOO IMPORTANT FOR ME YOU HAVE NO IDEA | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

izzyspussy · 2 months ago

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and now for more of the exact same thing.

late s3 canon divergence au in which we all live in a world of sunshine and daisies where mickey is allowed to a) be more three dimensional and b) have positive character development that isn't directly connected to his relationship with ian and also it happens when i say it does even though it's kind of really unrealistic and probably slightly ooc but again it's a world of sunshine and daisies and also it's been literally a full ten years since i've so much as heard his voice. cough.

uh so. yeah. late s3 canon divergence au in which mickey fights with ian about how unfair ian is being re: terry + svetlana + mickey staying closeted-ish + etc. idr the order of things but lets just say for the concept's sake that the divergence happens before the whole ian: you love me -> mickey: kicks him in the face thing because. *megamind voice* listen i don't really know where to go with that.

anyway so mickey tells ian to shut up and listen for once in his fucking life and then goes tf off about how marrying svetlana, claiming yevgeny, and staying closeted-ish (for now) is The Right Thing To Do, for various reasons. his own safety first, which it's pretty fucked up for ian to seemingly not care about, and ian's safety too, which is possibly even more fucked up for ian to seemingly not care about.

and then we have like four(?) options going from there.

so option 1 mickey's like: and also hey, he said he wanted to make sure mickey was okay but then three fucking seconds later started berating him. yeah, mickey was being stubborn and cold or whatever but jesus christ. and on that note, why was it so easy for ian to Be There for mandy when this happened to her but not mickey?? and then ian maybe is like that's not the same/that's not what happened (because it really seemed like he didn't realize that. it is the same and that is what happened. and like lmfao from later stuff in the show that we will simply pretend to have not seen, i know that's mainly because the fucking writers don't realize it is the same and that is what happened, and you know what they probably would not give a shit even if they did LOL. but i'm not bitter about it or anything. and since i'm ascribing to murder in real life death of the author here, we're going full watson here and. ian doesn't Get It because lots of people don't - obviously lmao - but he will!!!)

anyway so mickey is visibly devastated by ian saying this, and then he's bitter (just like meeee- wait i mean-) and laughs without humor about how ian is such a hypocrite. about how oh saint ian doesn't have any internalized homophobia. and ian is like what the fuck does that have to do with fucking anything, and mickey tells him oh nothing of course mickey is just talking shit like always since he's sooooo morally inferior and/or stupid and he definitely doesn't understand any of this. but hey! just as a totally unrelated thought experiment, why doesn't ian picture it with lip in his place and mandy in mickey's and with a male whore instead and just see what he thinks is so different/what he thinks happened then. and ian does and mickey sees in his face that he's realized, but he still wants to know. so he asks again why ian cares about mandy more than him. and ian is like well first of all i definitely do not care about mandy more than you and second we should talk apparently talk about this for real for real let's go upstairs for some privacy. and they do and it doesn't solve everything but by god does it help.

okay well that one's not really about anything being The Right Thing To Do, but you know. it's important to me! like i totally get that ian was going through multiple crises at the same time and dealing with the same traumatic event as mickey and also having an actual legitimate clinical mental break and experiencing a state of mind he had never dealt with before. it's not his fault. BUT. even tho it wasn't his fault he was still being completely unfair and none of any of that was mickey's fault either and it always bothered me that only ian ever got to be angry about it. but i digress.

now back to actually the sunshine and daisies unrealistic positive character development (but honestly like........ not really THAT unrealistic. To Me. like the only really unrealistic part is for mickey to be like. Informed enough for this. i think. but like. maturity and self awareness and honesty and courage and a moral code, all that is just maybe a little bit early to arrive here. i think it's an optimistic but not completely unbelievable divergence is what i'm saying! anyway).

so option 2A is like: instead of talking about What Happened and how much ian does or doesn't care, mickey starts talking about The Baby (who at this point is of course not born and i think probably too early along to be gendered let alone named). he's like what do you want me to do man. be just like your piece of shit parents and just abandon this kid because i don't want it? you want to be with a guy like that? and ian's like well it's probably not even yours, considering all the Factors. just get a paternity test and then you're off the hook. and mickey says, "don't be a fucking hypocrite, ian clayton gallagher." and ian's like damn. i want to but i absolutely cannot argue with that huh.

option 2B is more hurt/comfort than that and it goes: mickey starts talking about The Baby. and he's the one to point out it's probably not technically His or whatever. but. the chances that it's still a milkovich are. basically 100. and he points out if he marries svetlana, and he's on the birth certificate, and all around is legally the kid's FatherTM, then terry can't get his fucking hands on it. mickey has full parental rights. he couldn't completely keep the kid safe from terry, not without causing everybody - including the baby - a whole lot more danger right now, but he'd have so much more power to protect it than he otherwise would. he could make sure terry can't be next of kin if something happens to svet and mickey. he could make sure teachers and doctors and whoever else know not to leave the kid in terry's "care". even if terry himself changes his tune later for whatever fucking reason, if svet and/or mickey piss him off and he tries to take their kid away as punishment, or if he just fucking decides he wants another victim/pawn, or whatEVER, and he's the one to demand a paternity test, or if any other random john does, even if it ends up legally documented somewhere that mickey isn't the biological father as long as he and svet are The Parents from the start he would still retain custody and parental rights.

so. mickey marries svetlana. he's put on the birth certificate. he is legally the baby's father until such time as he and/or svetlana decide otherwise and a judge agrees. svetlana gets a marriage visa or green card or whatever the fuck and is now a legal resident. they stay married long enough for her to get naturalized as a us citizen. they get divorced, mickey no-contest hands over full custody to her, she moves to fucking socal or some shit and they never ever ever ever have to fucking see each other again. all her problems are solved, and none of the horrible shit terry put the rest of them through ever has to happen to the baby.

he can't let terry have the baby, mickey says. he can't. it's not fair, he says. it's not right. nobody deserves to be terry milkovich's kid. and sure mickey doesn't want it. he doesn't want to have to sleep next to his- you know, and no doubt svet doesn't want to have to do that either. but even though the baby may or may not be a result of. That. it didn't do it. it didn't do anything. it's just a baby. and mickey's voice is all raised - he's angry, he's scared, he's fucking righteous about this. it's just a fucking baby! its only fucking crime is being born wrong!

and. well. that kinda takes the fucking wind right out of ian's sails. mostly cuz it sucks all the air out of the room altogether. and mickey realizes too, right after he's said that, why he's so. uh. passionate about this. i mean not all the way, or just... he doesn't want to look directly at that yet. but ian can see it on his face that deep down he knows. ian can see it on mickey's face that what sounded like to him is exactly what it was. and maybe he breathes out the softest italicized oh (non-romantic) that has ever been spoken while mickey cringes a little bit and looks away, looks down, ducks his head enough to hide his face, enough to muffle his voice slightly against his own chest. he mumbles, "it's not his fault." he whispers, "he can't help it."

and what thee fuck is ian going to say to that? no? no, i won't support you protecting an innocent kid out of the long-buried goodness of your heart that i always knew was there and reparent yourself in the process? no, i refuse to be involved with you while you make an agonizing sacrifice in the name of kindness and healing, the way i've been demanding you do in my favor for months? no of course not.

but wait hang on i can fix this with the romantically-tinted option 2C, which goes like: mickey says he can't back out, he can't come out. he has to do this. and ian rolls his eyes or scoffs or both or gives mickey the fucking chin or whatever he does to indicate he thinks the reason mickey "has" to do this is because mickey's a fucking pussy and the only other option is to stand up to his dad. and mickey snaps that actually he has more than one (1) fucking motivation dickhead. and ian challenges him, all oh yeah like what. and mickey gets nice and right up in ian's face and gives him the fucking rundown.

i'm doing this because of you, he says. and ian scoffs again of course, but this time mickey just ignores him and steams right on. he says i'm doing this because you are. fucking self-righteous. and spiteful. and controlling. and fucking sadistic. and ian's like is this supposed to make me less pissed off. but mickey goes on. and you're kind. and generous. and god damn chivalrous, for fuck's sake. and so fucking brave. which finally shuts ian and his very, very loud facial expressions up.

so, mickey says. i know that you couldn't give less of a shit right now if svetlana has her kid taken away, gets deported directly into a russian prison, and never sees the fucking sun again in her life. maybe you even wish that on her. maybe i kind of do too. but i also know that if it hadn't happened to you, if you weren't there... if we were friends, and i didn't do this, we wouldn't be friends anymore.

he says, yeah, i love you, you love me. big fucking whoop. that happens to the fucking worst of us.

he says, i want you to like me.

he says, i'm just trying to grow the fuck up, okay? i don't want to be a fucking shallow selfish stupid god damn teenager for my entire fucking life like our piece of shit fucking parents. i want to be a man. and i- even if it's too late or this is too much, i want to be the kind of man that you would like.

so obviously ian is struck completely dumb. he just stares, wide-eyed and amazed and so absolutely wooed, while mickey finishes his fucking. grand speech. while he adds, quiet and exhausted and somewhat resigned, i'm not fucking ready, if i was ever gonna- but. it has to be done. she can't do it by herself. and there's no one else.

and. i mean really the inherent romance of "i want you to like me" and "i want to be the kind of man that you would like" would have been enough. but now here's this killer finishing move too. because you know fiona is ian's hero. and isn't that exactly what she did for all of them? with one fucking choice, mickey has already become the kind of man ian would like. and beyond! he's become the kind of man that ian respects. that ian admires.

and yeah, he'd like to still be angry. he'd like to still be exactly the selfish teenager mickey has decided he no longer is. and they are teenagers, still, so really that should be their fucking right! and also ian's fucking brain is on fire and he doesn't know what the fuck is going on!! but. well. he doesn't want it to be too late. he doesn't want this to be too much. he wants to grow up too, he's always wanted to grow up, to be a man. to be a good man. an honorable and reliable man. he doesn't want to be like- he doesn't want to be like their parents either.

and he wants mickey to like him too.

anyway. i think i'm clinically insane.

#jack facts #shameless #mickey milkovich #ian gallagher #gallavich #hc #my fic #WHY AM I HERE!!!!!!!

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pinkjoy-cons · 2 years ago

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Neither did I

Happy birthday to my love @sammilimyy I wanted to make something for you again this year so I figured I'd do alittle something something for your best Italian boi. I hope you like it Sam! You are so special to me and I am always greatful to have you in my life! I love you so much my love!

Word count: 3748

Warnings: Angst with fluff, Hurt/Comfort, mentions of WWI, probably incorrect historical facts? it's been a while, maybe OOC Nicola? (I broke him tbh), may have romanticized the Mafia (honestly the Mafia talk is so little that this warning may be unnecessary) so please understand that this is a work of FICTION and not meant to be taken seriously, the Mafia irl is messed up sooooo yeah, semi-edited, no beta we die like men or whatever

Ever since you were little, your mother used to tease you about how, “Nicola Francessca was going to marry you.” Obviously, being a child you had no idea how she would come to that conclusion. To you, Nicola was the person you could rely on. As a child he was there when you were upset for whatever reason. He was your guardian angel through it all. There were many nights you could remember of just spending time on one of the old rooftops in town and gaze into the brilliant sky together. You saw him and his family as part of your own and they welcomed you with open arms. Well, at least Dante and Gullia did. Nicola saw them as the most important people in his life at the time so only saw their introductions and approval as necessary. Your childhood with him was one that was constantly filled with laughter. There wasn’t a moment when you were not with him.

Time passed; both of you grew and, of course, so did your feelings. While Dante continued to have that baby brother charm you loved to tease him about, Nicola, you began to see in a different light. Your smile changed when you were with him, the way his hand felt in yours felt different, and the sound of your name falling from his lips became more and more special. Nicola too changed. Long gone was the scrawny boy you would playfully make fun of. Now, he has somehow grown into an attractive young man. And somehow, said man seemed to know this effect he had on you. Many times during your teens he would jest and tease about how you always looked away when he smiled at you. Or how you got tongue tied when he tossed any sort of praise your way.

It was embarrassing really how flustered you got around him. In your mind, it was only a one way feeling, but Nicola felt the same way. Your eyes grew bright when he showed you a part of town you didn’t know, or when he brought you sweets and coffee out of the blue just to see your excitement at what new dulce he has brought you today. Everything you did seemed to strike him through the heart. Time and time again, he was resorted to putty in his hands at your voice and any type of request you gave him.

“Nicola, can we go to the garden today?”

“I know you’re busy but, do you think we can get more treats from the bakery?”

“Won’t you come in? Mia Mamma made enough dinner to feed five of us.”

How could he resist you? You who looked at him like he was your world. He didn’t realize when it happened but during the moments spent together, a treasured calm from the storm of the Mafia life, he had fallen for you. You made him want to be a better man. Nicola craved for your touch. Any opportunity he could get to hold your hand was a gift he didn’t want to let go of. Leaning on your shoulder while you sat, holding you close to him when it got cold and you forgot to bring a shall, laying his head on your lap. It was all the soft, innocent touch that he wanted. He couldn't go too far however, all of them must remain–friendly? Yes, friendly. Two young teenagers who found comfort in each other. Nothing more, nothing less. But what if he wanted it to be more?

“Hey, Nicola?” It was late in the afternoon. You both decided to walk around the town even if Nicola’s father wanted him home but he never listened to what that bastard had to say. Nicola held your hand as you strolled down the cobblestone streets taking in the setting sun and soon blooming night-life the town had to offer.

“Yes Darling?” The pet name he honored you with always caused you to shy away. It was subtle this time, but Nicola saw the way you smiled at the ground and felt the way you squeezed his hand a bit more lovingly.

“Nicola,” Composing yourself, you began again. “What am I to you?” It was an unexpected question and caused him to just barely falter in the pase he set with you but luckily you didn’t notice the slip.

“What are you to me?”

“Yes.” The young girl gazed up at him with brilliant eyes full of adoration.

Damn it, she’s going to bring me to an early grave.

“You are very special to me my dear. I always look forward to the time we get to spend together.” Then he stopped, turned you to face him, and brought your mouth to his lips. He gave you nothing more than a chaste kiss but somehow, you felt like it was enough for the time being. “There isn’t ever a moment where I don’t think about you.” Amore mio, he wanted to add that. How desperately he wanted to add those two small words to fortify this relationship with you. But he couldn’t. He was only 17 and you 16, there was that small chance, that small seed of doubt that, once it takes root, is sometimes impossible to remove. So he remained in this space with you. Mutual pining that neither of you were ready to confront.

And you were both happy. Soon, when the time was right, you both would express your mutual feelings for each other and from there you would live a long, happy life with him. Oh how silly you were.

In 1914, an announcement was made, one that many knew was coming. The Kingdom of Italy had officially joined the war. Any young man at the age of 18, would be drafted to fight alongside the Central Powers. And of course Nicola Francessca was one of those chosen men.

It was depressing really, the only ones who saw him off were you, Dante, and Gullia. Dante, of course, held it together better than Gullia did, she practically saw Nicola as her own son. Both of them said their heartfelt goodbyes and they gave you a moment with him.

“H-”

“You shouldn’t have to go.” You spoke with a strain in your voice and refused to meet his sapphire eyes. Nicola saw as spots of the ground got darker from your falling tears. “But you’re leaving, for who knows how long, and-and I-” You broke the sentence and raised the back of your hand to your hidden face.

“Hey-”

“How will I contact you? What if they don’t allow letters? Or what if something happens to you? How will Gullia know? How will Dante? How will-”

“Look at me amore mio.” Nicola’s voice was soft and secure. But the calmness of his tone wasn’t what made you look at him. He’s never called you that before. Nicola wrapped one hand around your head, fingers lacing into your hair, placed his bags on the ground and brought you to his chest. He held you there for who knows how long and the shock on your face must have been a sight to see. “I promise nothing will happen. I guarantee you that I'll only be gone for a few months.” Then he chuckled, the vibrations bringing you some kind of comfort, “Or don’t tell me, you’ve become so attached to the hip that you can survive a few little months without me?” A scoff left your lips. Part of you was upset that he dared tease you at a time like this but a bigger part felt that same comfort you always did. You wrapped your arms around his waist and closed your eyes. You took in the feel of his clothes against your skin. The way his arms felt around you. The scent of the cologne he always wore ever since you bought it for his birthday years ago. But most importantly you listened carefully to his heartbeat.

Thum-bum.

It truly calmed you. Nicola calmed you. You listened to that steady beat as he held you.

“I promise, I’ll come back to you. I told you before, there isn’t ever a moment where I don’t think about you.” His heartbeat didn’t waver. You could trust him.

A sniffle escaped and you buried your face into his uniform. “I’m holding you to that.” A chuckle verberated again in his chest. When the train whistled, you finally broke apart. Nicola wiped the remaining tears from your eyes and picked up his bags. His back turned to you and he walked to the train door entrance, handed the conductor his ticket and that was that.

As you walked back to Gullia and Dante, a dark thought crossed your mind. The thought that that possibly was the last time you’d ever see Nicola again. The tears came again. It was frustrating really. Gullia saw your plight and held you as you both walked. Danted gave you a handkerchief to dry your tears, and you whispered, “There’s still so much I need to tell him. Why didn’t I tell him?” Not knowing what to say, Gullia could only tighten her grip, and Dante held your hand in comfort.

He was a liar Nicola. You knew it was childish but you truly thought that he would only be gone for a few months. A few months had passed and he still wasn’t home. It made you cry even now, as you packed your bags. Burlone had gotten too dangerous with the war. More soldiers had been stationed in town and the government had gotten forceful on many of the residents. You and your Mamma had to leave. She said that you would stay with a family member up north. It was calmer, she claimed. You barely had time to say goodbye to Dante or Gullia. You both made your escape from the town. Two pricey tickets later, you and your Mamma left. You heard her light snores and the clacking of the train filled the ride. As you gazed out the window, the only thing you could think about was how thankful you were to have that last moment with Nicola.

Years passed.

The war was over.

Italy had won? Lost? You didn't care anymore. Your Mamma had somehow found a way to get your old house back. You didn't think that you would see it again. The sights and sounds. It would take a while but eventually you figured things would return to some type of normalcy. It had been nearly four years since you last saw Burlone. Since you last seen Dante, Gullia-

And Nicola.

He never wrote to you. There was a small hope that when you got to your old home there would have been a pile of letters just waiting for you, but now. Just a dirty old house. A few neighbors who stayed helped you clean the place up and after a month it began to feel like you could live normally again. You began going out into town more frequently months later. Saying hello to old friends and visiting those who you could remember. And everytime without fail, you'd walk by the Falzone manor. You also never asked about Nicola. It's been long enough now that he would have come to see you. If you hadn't heard a word from him, you just assumed the worst and allowed your heart time to process it.

A few people told you that the Falzone did okay all things considered. There were a few spots here and there while the Kingdom of Italy was stationed here. But the order they kept or tried to keep was to the best of their ability.

"Oh wait, I remember you!" One bar owner exclaimed that caused nearby patrons to look as well, "You were Nicola Francesca's little girlfriend!"

"Well, yes I guess that's me. But I was never-"

"Look at how grown up you are bella! I'm sure Nicola was happy to see you once he got home."

Your head snapped up, "Nicola? He's-he's home? Alive?"

The bar owner gave a bellowing laugh, seeming unable to understand your shock, "Why of course bella. I think I saw him walking around not too long ago. Went down the street where the cafe is." Last you knew, there wasn't a cafe that way but it's been a while so who knows. You said your thanks, secured the groceries you had, and ran in the direction he pointed.

There just like he said, was a cafe and there sitting outside of it was Nicola. He looked older which was a given but being apart from him truly made your heart grow fonder. You wanted nothing more than to run to him. Finally tell him everything you should have said at the train station. But why didn't he come to you first? Did he even ask around if you were home or where you were? You didn't care.

Steeling your nerves, you approached the table. But as you did, another girl sat across from him. She was beautiful to say the least but that wasn't what stopped. What stopped you was how Nicola stood from his chair to give this girl a kiss on the cheek and hold her hand as they enjoyed their coffee.

What?

You didn't understand it at all. All this time, you thought that he would come home and you both would finally be together. Why, why was your Nicola Francesca flirting with another woman? Your heart dropped and you felt like you suddenly didn't know where you were. Feet remained unmoved as you stood there to witness it all. Only when Nicola laughed did you finally snap out of it. You turned to leave but of course-

"Oh sorry signorina, I didn't- Ah little bambina." That voice and nickname only Marcos ever called you that.

"Hello Marcos, sorry for bumping into you but I have to leave." You made quick work to pick up the things you dropped. People were starting to stare and you wanted to go home.

"Didn't realize you were back. It's good to see you again."

"Same here, look Marcos, if you want to talk later I'm sure mia Mamma would love to have you over. We still live in the same house." Marcos tried to talk to you more but you took your leave. You forced yourself not to look back but you weren't strong enough. With a glance over your shoulder, you saw Nicola stare at your retreating body. Mouth ajar and a mix of shock and something else written on his face.

A day passed, then two, it wasn't until the third day that Nicola showed up at your door. Your mom welcomed him with open arms talking about how handsome he was and how it's been too long. You heard it all from your bedroom upstairs but didn't make an effort to see him. Not until there was a small knock on your door did you move and there he stood. Nicola had on a green button up tucked into his pants. You noticed his eyes. Those gorgeous blue eyes were the same but different. It still felt like home when you looked at them but it didn't have that same light you once remembered. He also held a bouquet of pink and blue flowers, ones he knew were your favorite. None of that mattered now however.

"Is there a reason you're at my door, Francesca?"

Ouch, fine, he deserved that one. "I came to see you."

"Yes?" You folded your arms, "Well you've seen me so now you can leave."

He ignored that comment, "I didn't know you were home. I was told that you left town soon after I left. Did you-"

"Why Nicola?" You stopped him before it could go any further. Not wanting to beat around the bush you just cut to the chase, "Why didn't you come see me when I came back?"

"Why didn't you come see me?"

Tears welled up, he had the audacity to throw the question back at you? "I heard nothing from you once you left. I thought you died, Nicola. At the train station, you said you would come back. You said that I was special to you so-so why didn't you-Why did it take you so long?"

He didn't have an answer.

"An-an-and why," Damnit, keep it together. Do not cry in front of him, it's not worth it. "Why were you with that other woman? Is that what you are now? A shameless flirt? There isn’t ever a moment where I don’t think about you. Did those words mean anything to you Nicola? Because they meant the world to me."

It was silent and before you knew it, you had closed the door on him. You thought that was the end. Truly you did. But the next night while your mom went to dinner with Marco, Nicola arrived once again.

"Let me in. Please?"

You sighed and against your better judgment allowed him entry. A shoe box was tucked in his arms. You led him to your room and sat on your bed and him in a chair and waited.

"I want to explain everything to you and then you can decide if you want me to leave, okay?" You nodded with crossed arms. Nicola then took a deep breath before continuing. “Not that this would make you feel any better, or to make myself look better, but I didn’t write to Gullia either. The only person who I wrote to was Dante.” You scoffed, “Just hold on. There was a reason for it.” The grip he had on the box seemed to loosen as he hung his head. “There was nothing to write home about in the trenches. Everyday I would see someone else lose a life out there. I thought that being in the Mafia I'd seen it all but-There were somethings I just couldn’t get over.” He stopped for a moment. By then you had unfolded your arms and softened your demeanor. You reached out to hold his hand and he turned it over to hold it back tightly.

“Oh Nicola. I had no idea.”

“No. You didn’t. But that’s how I wanted it to be. I’m not the same man I was when I left. No man out there ever comes back the same. Sometimes, while we tried to sleep, they would play loud music or make noise to keep us awake. I thought I would lose my mind. When it was all over, when they said we could go home, I didn't feel like I was good for you any more. I didn’t feel like I was the same man you cared for. The same man that you found comfort in died. I’m all that’s left.”

His breath was shaking. All you could do was sit, hold his hand, and listen. You felt useless but you hoped that it brought Nicola some type of comfort.

“I came home. I did my best to continue where I left off. I asked Gullia about you. She said you had moved to a safer place and felt relieved. I didn’t have to face you as I am now. But then you came back. I saw you on the first day you came to the town. Graceful, talking to everyone like you never left, and all smiles. Beautiful, beautiful smiles. You were so happy, I didn’t want to ruin that. I flirted with other women to forget about you but I knew where my heart lied.” Finally, he let go of your hand. Nicola took the shoe box he had and placed it in your lap; it was heavier than you expected. “I remember everything I said to you at that train station.” He gestured for you to open the box. When you did, the tears that welled up began to fall.

They were letters in unopened envelopes all addressed to you. You went through a few in Nicola’s presence and continued to cry. All of them talking about how much he missed you. How much he longed to be by your side again. Your heart felt like it would burst from this overwhelming feeling.

There was a raspiness in your voice, “You-you never sent them.”

“It didn’t feel right. I just needed you to know,” Nicola got up and placed his lips against your cheek. One hand played with your hair and he took a deep breath of your familiar scent. The scent and feel of something he missed for so long. “I never stopped thinking about you.” He kissed your cheek. Then stayed there. In between shaky breaths you said.

“I don’t want you to leave me. Please, not again.” The breath he held was released, he was at ease with his heart and mind. You brought him into a hug and he wasted no time to return it. He laid you back on the bed and you took him into your chest. He found solace in being with you. As he rested, you played with his hair, running your fingers through them as both your breaths steadied. After all this time, you had him here. He wasn’t going anywhere, you were going to make sure of that. Nicola picked up his head and gazed into your eyes. A hand brushed his bangs out of his face so you could get a better look at him. Yes, he was different. He wasn’t the same; but you didn’t care. He was here and he was yours and you his. He cupped your cheek and brought you in for a kiss. The kiss was years in the making as you both secured the relationship. Your lips meshed with one another in imperfect harmony. It was somewhat unconventional but neither cared. You leaned in more to just taste more of him, all of him. It was intoxicating.

When you broke apart, his cheek made a home against your neck as you planted kiss after kiss on his head. Nicola wrapped his arms around you and once again laid with you. Playing with his hair, the tears had stopped and you felt like you could breathe once more. He had softly whispered “I won’t leave you again amore mio.”

You thought back to his words again, “You truly never stopped thinking about me?”

“Not once.”

You smiled and, holding him tighter, responded, “Neither did I."

#nicola francesca #piofiore #piofiore the fated memories #nicola francesca x reader #nicola francesca x fem reader #my witing #streaming archive #piofiore nicola #piofiore x reader #piofiore fanfiction #otome game #otome fandom #otome fanfiction

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your-1up-girl · 2 years ago

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Neither Did I (Nicola Francesca x Fem!Reader)

Word count: 3748

“Nicola, can we go to the garden today?”

“I know you’re busy but, do you think we can get more treats from the bakery?”

“Won’t you come in? Mia Mamma made enough dinner to feed five of us.”

“What are you to me?”

“Yes.” The young girl gazed up at him with brilliant eyes full of adoration.

Damn it, she’s going to bring me to an early grave.

And you were both happy. Soon, when the time was right, you both would express your mutual feelings for each other and from there you would live a long, happy life with him. Oh how silly you were.

“H-”

“Hey-”

“How will I contact you? What if they don’t allow letters? Or what if something happens to you? How will Gullia know? How will Dante? How will-”

Thum-bum.

It truly calmed you. Nicola calmed you. You listened to that steady beat as he held you.

“I promise, I’ll come back to you. I told you before, there isn’t ever a moment where I don’t think about you.” His heartbeat didn’t waver. You could trust him.

Years passed.

The war was over.

And Nicola.

"Oh wait, I remember you!" One bar owner exclaimed that caused nearby patrons to look as well, "You were Nicola Francesca's little girlfriend!"

"Well, yes I guess that's me. But I was never-"

"Look at how grown up you are bella! I'm sure Nicola was happy to see you once he got home."

Your head snapped up, "Nicola? He's-he's home? Alive?"

What?

"Oh sorry signorina, I didn't- Ah little bambina." That voice and nickname only Marcos ever called you that.

"Hello Marcos, sorry for bumping into you but I have to leave." You made quick work to pick up the things you dropped. People were starting to stare and you wanted to go home.

"Didn't realize you were back. It's good to see you again."

"Is there a reason you're at my door, Francesca?"

Ouch, fine, he deserved that one. "I came to see you."

"Yes?" You folded your arms, "Well you've seen me so now you can leave."

He ignored that comment, "I didn't know you were home. I was told that you left town soon after I left. Did you-"

"Why Nicola?" You stopped him before it could go any further. Not wanting to beat around the bush you just cut to the chase, "Why didn't you come see me when I came back?"

"Why didn't you come see me?"

He didn't have an answer.

"Let me in. Please?"

You sighed and against your better judgment allowed him entry. A shoe box was tucked in his arms. You led him to your room and sat on your bed and him in a chair and waited.

“Oh Nicola. I had no idea.”

His breath was shaking. All you could do was sit, hold his hand, and listen. You felt useless but you hoped that it brought Nicola some type of comfort.

There was a raspiness in your voice, “You-you never sent them.”

You thought back to his words again, “You truly never stopped thinking about me?”

“Not once.”

You smiled and, holding him tighter, responded, “Neither did I."

#i don't always write but when I do #it seems to only be for you lmao #happy birthday sam!!!#i did my best so i hope you like it #nicola francesca x reader #piofiore #piofiore the fated memories #nicola francesca #piofiore fanfiction #piofiore no banshou #piofiore fated memories #nicola x reader #nicola francesca x female reader #nicola francesca fanfiction #otome #my writing

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frccdomfell · 5 years ago

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So, this is only a little over 1600 words... I have a lot of people to thank. I’ve had Stevie boy here for five months, but I’ve been around Tumblr rp for a long time and thought I’d take this opportunity to thank those of you that have been such lights this year. This year has been extremely hard for me for a number of reasons I won’t get into in this happy post! So, this is for those who were there for me this year:

My Main Peeps:

@liftingxrocks : firstly, i have to thank my incredible fiance. you were here every step of the way this year and it has made all the difference. i couldn’t have gotten through it without you and i’m so goddamn lucky i get to call you mine. proposing to you was easily the best thing i’ve ever done and when you said yes was the single best moment of my life. we met through rp and I love every character you try your hand at. thanks for being such a light in my life, babygirl. i love you.

@bytheanchor : b! you total fucking nerd. god, you’re the best! i’m so glad to call you my friend and you’re definitely one of my best online friends. you never fail to be positive and brighten my day. you’re so kind and encouraging. we talk practically every day. those two weeks you went away were SO BORING! i love all your characters so much, you know that. writing with you is easily one of my favourite past times. you are always just as excited and willing to write stuff as i am and i love it. thank you for being such an amazing friend.

@spitefulandspectacular : i mean you never check your tumblr notifications, but i don’t care. you were so important this year so you get a spot on the list. man, you were such a great roommate. we each had our things, but honestly i’m so happy my first real roommate was such a quality person. i miss ya like hell and can’t wait to see you real soon hopefully. thanks for being such a great friend and taking care of our boy. you’re a gem.

@mangohub : monroe, what can i even say? you’re such an incredible friend and i’m so thankful for you. anytime i’m dealing with anything you’re right there for me, ready to listen. i don’t think i’ve met a better writer in my entire life, no joke. i love your alec more than life itself and writing with you is always such a fulfilling experience. even jut plotting with you is so much goddamn fun. you’re such a bright and loving person. thanks for being one of the good things about my 2019.

@warricrsbcw : my mollee. hey hun. i just want to thank you for being such a stand up friend since we reconnected. you’ve been there for me every single time i’ve needed it and i hope i’ve been able to do the same. you’re such a sweet person and you deserve all the nice things. not to mention that i love your alec to hell and back! magnus would go to the ends of the earth for that boy.

@lcdgerbled : hayley, you are so awesome! I’m so lucky that when i left my magnus blog i was able to take you with me in a way. you’re such an insanely talented writer and an even better friend. you’ve been so great and always there if i need anyone to talk to about my ED. your natasha is perfect! steve adores her with his entire heart and wants to buy a place in a new york and have ten kids with her lol. thanks so much for making this year a little more bearable.

New Friends:

@divabarnes : so, you were actually the reason i remade my steve into a blog. he was just available on discord but you reignited my love for him. your bucky sparked my steve back to life and i can’t thank you enough. i love him so much. your writing is so in character and makes my jaw drop every time. i love writing with you (even though im slow and trash). thanks for everything you didn’t even know you did.

@ivorysatin : i know we haven’t known each other a super long time but i absolutely adore you! you’ve been so kind and friendly and you’re writing is PHENOMENAL! your magnus, anna and blair! i’m so in love with all your threads and verses. every time i see your blair i’m so tempted to remake my charles so you need to STOP! but, seriously, you’re such a friendly bean, thanks!

@semiistable : hello friend! so i know we literally just met like four days ago, but in that time i have totally fallen in love with your writing and you so freaking nice and chill. my steve is head over heels for your bucky, and writing with you never fails to make me smile. i hope we continue to be friends for a long time.

@mischieftomake : bonjour jas! so i’ve been dying to write a loki/steve pairing for so long but could never find anyone that clicked with my steve. and, i’m so lucky that the one who did also has such a phenomenal mun! you’re so much fun to plot with and to play around with what we want to do. i’m loving our soulmate verses so much! i hope we continue to become close in the new year!

@tcnystcrrk : thank you thank you thank you! i’m so happy we met and i feel so lucky to get to write with you. my steve just gravitates to your tony. you’re actually the only tony i’m properly active with. i just love plotting and writing with you. you’ve been so kind and excited and it’s made me so happy. i hope to write loads with you both ic and ooc in the new year. stay frosty.

@heyqxeens : beep boop. we don’t write a lot, and that’s mostly because i’ve been hella busy and whatnot. but, i love your peter. even without writing with you i’ve been heavily enjoying reading your other threads. honestly just the fact that you're on my dash makes a huge difference in my tumblr experience. also, we still need to do that thread where they both work at the bugle lol. hope your new year is full of fun.

@hcpefell : nyxie. again, i’ve been bad at keeping up bc life is super hectic right now but thank you so much for being part of the harder part of this year. the second half really took a lot out of me and meeting and writing with you really helped! i love how you write gwen and steve adores her. thank you so much!

Honorable Mentions: (a.k.a. those i stalk)

@stolenparticles : so hi! i’ve been following you since even before i had steve i believe. even when i never thought we’d write together (bc of the vastly different fandoms) i still needed to follow you. cassie is such an interesting and complex character and i love to see someone taking her and just running with it. i love to read all your threads on the dash, it’s always such a good time.

@stormweathered : we’ve chatted here and there, but i low key am IN LOVE with your characterization. your thor is so beautiful and on point! i read all of your answered memes when they show up because your writing is just so impressive. one day i’ll stop being a potato and actually get to work on saying a proper hello.

@kendolled : SOOOOO... i lowkey stalk your blog daily! you’re right up there with @ivorysatin making me want to remake charles. every single time i read your replies alli can see is mr. archibald. i swear, you encompass him so well. ive been rewatching gossip girl for the past seven months or so (bc im slow and easily distracted) and trust me when i say your nate is spot on! i read literally almost everything you post because it’s so perfect!

@spidaeyaunt : so i lowkey adore you. all the love and devotion you put into may is inspiring. i love reading your headcanons and i adore your threads with tonys and peters. but i think the big reason i follow you is your personality. i love seeing your ooc posts on the dash and your tags always make me laugh! keep it up, you cool cat.

@exposestruth & @smallvxlle : i grouped you together because i found you through each other. smallville was such a huge and important part of me growing up. it will forever be one of my top three shows. having both of you bring these characters to life has meant everything. makes me totally miss my ollie every time i read your individual threads. plus all the smallville gifsets on my dash make me SO HAPPY!

@moqul : omg! your cat is FLAWLESS! i love reading your headcanons and your tags are always so freaking hilarious! i laugh so much whenever you’re on the dash and it’s something i value so much. i love supergirl so much, i played kara for a while and i still play barry (since hes a cw super) and your cat is just perfect. i don’t think anyone else could do her the kind of justice you do.

@hakune : OH MY GOD!! your steve *holds chest* I just love him so much. you write so well and your passion for our boy comes through so clearly. i love reading your threads and just watching you interact on the dash is a blast. keep up the good work, fellow steve.

@madebythejungle : you are so fucking talented, wtf? to take such a cool and interesting character and just explode him into life is so impressive. i love reading your stuff whenever i come across it on the dash. one day i’ll get up the courage to actually come say hi, but until then have this little thank you. thank you for making my dash that much better.

#°♡° magnus bane owns my soul | ooc #°♡° i know this neighborhood | save #thank you all so much #(i didnt proofread it but what else is new?)

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callistawolf · 7 years ago

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my thoughts on Arrow 6x18

I was excited for this episode and it turns out there was good reason. I might just start trusting Steve when he gets hyped over episodes now, he’s building quite a track record. So let’s dive in. I literally took these notes while I was watching so I apologize if they’re a bit scattered.

Okay, Oliver is clearly off the rails. S1-2 suit and all. The man is a wrecking ball.

Wait…where’d he get the old suit? Did he break into evidence lockup? Is that why he’s at the precinct? I HAVE QUESTIONS.

Wait, the lockup didn’t blow up when Siren blew up the previous place did it? I HAVE QUESTIONS, DAMMIT.

Ten hours earlier. Okay. So we learn why he’s nuts. Is it the Vertigo? I bet it the Vertigo.

If anyone can find rock solid proof of crooked city employees, its Felicity.

BAD COP CASTLE. LOL. Felicity is right. He can’t go in alone. Cuz that’s just INSANE.

LOLOLOL. “I parent trapped you” BLESS YOU FELICITY. Yes, boys, get over your damn egos already.

“You keep that attitude you’re gonna end up all alone” LISTEN, don’t feed this boy’s fears, Dig!

Felicity KNOWS that Oliver is trying, DIGGLE. C’mon, man. FEEDING HIS FEARS. Stoppit!

“If I get impeached, you get promoted” OH SHIT, yeah if Oliver is impeached, Quentin is DEAD. You know what happens to mayors who aren’t Oliver in this town.

God bless Quentin being on his side. Saying all these nice things... Oh yeah the man is dead.

SHE HACKED NAPSTER FOR HER SCIENCE FAIR PROJECT LOL

RAISA AND FELICITY INTERACTED. There is a god! It’s been 84 years!

See I told y’all Felicity would have proof. Oh… but its implicating him. WAIT. STOP YELLING AT YOUR WIFE FOR HELPING YOU. Duuuuude.

Oh this scene. Yeah, he’s totally hallucinating this.

The best part is that the writers have done such a MASTER JOB of writing characters OOC this season that we honestly can’t tell if Oliver is hallucinating or if this is something Felicity is REALLY saying

That said we SAW the Vertigo last ep folks. This isn’t rocket science.

What is that tapping noise he keeps hearing? Is that the Vertigo? The heralding of a hallucination?

“My wife wants a separation” DONT MAKE ME SOB, OLIVER. Also she so doesn’t. It’s so sad that he believes this, he EXPECTED this.

I find it touching that he chooses Quentin to confide in here. His subconscious is kinda beautiful sometimes.

So he thinks he hasn’t changed at all? Or he doesn’t. Cuz Quentin is pep talking him but its HIM thinking this up… SHE LOVES YOU. YES SHE DOES. LISTEN TO YOUR FUCKED UP BRAIN, MAN.

Going to the council meeting hopped up on Vertigo seems a bad idea. So is this a hallucination? Or not? HELP. I HAVE CONFUSION.

THERES THAT NOISE AGAIN

YEAH PROMETHEUS!! But… Oliver… SEE. HE’S DEAD. Get a clue here.

Damn Oliver’s subconscious is kicking his ass. LOL this is such a metaphor. I can’t deal.

So he kills Chase in his subconscious, something he’d evolved past before. But he wants to protect his family. LORD, Oliver you are fucked up.

THERES THAT NOISE AGAIN. Duuuuude I’m starting to wonder if *I’m* losing it. And Adrian. OK, Ollie. This is your clue here that you’re on Vertigo.

DING DING DING give the boy a cookie!

Chase trolling him is classic. I missed this guy so much. (And dude, you couldn’t manage to take ANYONE from him… Sam so doesn’t count)

I have to keep reminding myself this is Oliver’s subconscious.

“Felicity, William and I will be fine.” Of course you will. You’re family.

Interesting… “you’re a better Oliver Queen. But a worse hero.” HERE is the base of his worries. “You’re the one enemy you can’t defeat” Damn your brain is clever, Oliver. But also wrong. STOP HATING YOURSELF.

I MISS THE QUEEN MANSION. This living room isn’t QUITE right though. And fuckouttahere LL.You don’t even look REMOTELY like pre-island LL.

I love Chase literally listing all the reasons LL as BC was a Dumb Thing.

So this is just convincing him he has to do go alone. If people fight with him, they get hurt. They die. Sometimes I think his protective instinct is too strong.

Awww hallucinating Raisa being killed by Dragon… that’s rough. Let’s not go there, show, okay?

SEE yes he wants to do it alone. Don’t listen to Vertigo!Hood, Oliver. The man is off his nut.

For a second there I thought Quentin said “We need to retweet” and I didn’t even think that was an off thing to say. I NEED A NAP.

Okay so the s1-2 suit itself is a hallucination. And it symbolizes his need to do it alone. GOTCHA. I’m all caught up now. Very clever.

Awww cute Felicity and William! She helped him put his project back together. But ohhhh no, she knows Oliver gone of the rails. “He said you kicked him out?” “No! I would never!” I KNEW IT.

LOL at William knowing exactly what Felicity is up to and bringing her sneakers. And holy cow he IS as tall as she is now!

OH NO DID YOU JUST HIT QUENTIN. I HOPE THAT WAS A HALLUCINATION.

RUN FELICITY RUN. Hey, that’s the backlot of the studios. LOL. Oh it WAS QUENTIN, not a hallucination. Oliver, you’re in big trouble.

She’s very brave, going after him when he’s like this. And awww at her talking him down. “What happens to William?” “William has you.” “What happens to ME?” BLESS.

“I’m glue, baby.” SHE CALLED HIM BABY. IM DYING.

Yes, listen to your wife. She’s your life partner. You can’t get rid of her. “Listen to your heart.” AWWW THIS IS SO SWEET.

YAY OLICITY STUNT! ITS BEEN 84 YEARS. Yep, I’m watching this whole thing again tomorrow (today, when this is posted)

Felicity went to raves. Felicity did drugs. ITS CANON. WRITE THE FICS, FANDOM. FELICITY MEETS OLIVER AT A RAVE.

So the suit is REAL? I have my questions again!! WHERE DID IT COME FROM.

I don’t like him going alone, but I DO like him saying that he’s not giving up on Felicity and William.

WELP there we go. Impeached. Saw that coming. Buncha boogers. Quentin is mayor! He’s toast.

Firing Overwatch. AWW. I mean I get why he’s doing it but… fighting Diaz alone is the opposite of what he needs to do. But I’m glad he’s apologizing to William.

AWW Felicity and William are most important to him! More than ANYTHING. I love this family.

Siren wants Diaz to kill Oliver… hows that redemption working for y’all? I can’t believe loliver is less toxic than Siren/Oliver. 😂

Okay, I have some more thoughts, especially now that I’ve had all night to think about this. So I’m throwing in a cut.

While I’m not fond of Oliver choosing to go alone, I get why he’s doing it. It’s a plot point they’ve been angling towards, to be sure. But also I think they outlined why in this episode. Because what Dig said to him about being a poor leader has gotten to him and he really is wondering if it’s true. Things are piling up and what is falling by the wayside? What can he let fall by the wayside? One thing was made clear in this episode, what he cannot let fail is his family. Felicity, William... they are his priority above pretty much everything. He needs to save the city, absolutely, but not at the cost of his family. Oliver sees going alone as a way to save his family. Now, he’s wrong, of course.

Remember all those interviews that have hinted at Oliver learning how to ask for help? How Emily herself has mentioned that? I think thats the big lesson here. He’s having a hard time juggling all his responsibilities, which means he has to learn how to relinquish control to others, to trust them to help him, to trust them to do what needs to be done to help him, to help the city. I’m willing to wager that in the weeks ahead, given what we’ve learned about the final eps of the season, the court case and all of that... that Felicity might be instrumental in organizing some help for Oliver. I think she might be the one to call in Human Target. But we shall see.

But something else... Diaz wanted Oliver to fall for the trap but Felicity thwarted that. Felicity said that their identities are safe but LOL... There’s zero chance that Diaz won’t find out that she’s the one, the ONLY ONE who can pull Oliver back. So what happens to Felicity when Diaz realizes she the barrier between him and what he wants?

What’s important here is that Oliver will do whatever he has to save his family, to keep William and Felicity safe. I think Felicity focuses on her company next week because she has to help, the mission is a part of her now, but I think eventually she’s going to push her way back onto Oliver’s team. Because he needs her. And maybe she’ll bring the rest of the team back together. But that’s all *~*later*~* because for now, things are gonna start getting sooooo very real in the weeks ahead and I’m really really really ready for it.

#olicity #arrow recap #Arrow 6x18 #6x18: Fundamentals #arrow spoilers #my recap #ship: Olicity #character: Oliver Queen #character: Felicity Smoak #show: Arrow

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belore-invictus · 7 years ago

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*PLEASE READ* Informative OOC Post-

The focus of this post is on why Symmaril and I are no longer friends, nor do we have any form of communication, and why our characters are no longer married. In case any of you skip the beginning, DO NOT harass Symmaril. We might not be friends anymore, but no one deserves that. For those of you who were directed by his post to come to me, don’t. Please, just leave me alone.

First and foremost, to anyone who has been harassing Symmaril on behalf of wanting to “find out” what happened betwixt our characters, and us, quit it. Quit that shit. I have waited days to make my post, because I have been trying to collect my thoughts, and to be able to see this all clearly. At first, I was not even going to make this post. Right now, even as I type, I might not even post it. All I know is that, throughout the course of this week, I have been told by a handful of people that my old-RP partner (S) had been posting about me. Let me get this straight, before I even continue. Wyrmrest Accord has a tendency to where people who are not remotely involved with the problem, somehow get involved in it, and bigger problem happens, that should not happen at all. Getting into this, I do want to ask all of the people who were directed by Symmaril’s post to ask *me* about things, to kindly, please quit it. I haven’t responded to any of the messages, because this is unreal to me. Now, to get into all of it.

Let me begin with saying that the writer behind Symmaril will forever be close to my heart. We spent hours messing around on World of Warcraft together, or even him trying to tell me to get new games to *play* with him, and take some time out of my hectic as hell day, to enjoy life with him. As odd as it is for some people, Sym and I formed a real friendship behind the screen of two characters, that were in the middle of a beautiful romance. Honest to God? Symmaril’s writing is fucking fantastic, and I praise it. However, not everything is perfect, and not every friendship is *healthy.*

As I stated in the above that not all friendships are healthy, I want to make it clear that Symmaril never once was toxic to me. I never had that problem with him. The problem that I had, or I wonder if he thinks the same, *we* had, if I am to be so bold and blunt- is that, we were AWFUL at getting our points across. Whenever a situation would come up, it was almost as if neither of us could really understand what the other person was saying, without an ulterior motive involved in it. As we all know, voice chat and text chat are two completely different things, and words can be defined with different tone of voices over chat, at any moment in time. The problem that I mainly had with our friendship and roleplay OOC, is that, we were never able to get anything across the table. Whilst we actually agreed on 90% of everything else, 10% of the time, we had our shitty moments where neither of us LISTENED, or understood. I had moment where I read Sym’s words in a different tone, and I could not have. However, my decision to leaving the RP and that friendship were two fucking awful, and hard decisions. Never did I imagine that this is how things were going to end, but it is, and it is what it is.

I.. I am sad. I am hurt? I am disappointed? I am infuriated. Reading what has been written about me, were things that *I* feel are one sided, and honest to God, there are other party members not involved in this situation at all, who are feeding stories that have NOTHING to do with any of this, nor ever EXISTED. I am pissed, because Sym was my friend. Yes, I didn’t say goodbye. Yes, I did kick him. No, I will not lie about that. However, what led up to those moments were moments of where *HE* himself, HAS left the guild beforehand. Without saying a single God damn thing to me. Where he has removed me from his friends list before, without saying a single fucking thing to me. So, to see that *I* am being painted in a bad light as if he has not done it before, hurts. He left and removed me once, but he has talked about quitting the RP on multiple occasions. When someone tells you on countless different accords that they feel it might be best for them to walk out of the RP relationship, and you spend every single moment they do that, trying to get them to stay- it all ends up with you being fed up inside, and tired of having to *chase* something that should fuckin’ be fun, man.

Before he was kicked and removed from my life, we spent two days where we just couldn’t talk without it being stressful, or borderline toxic. In this game, especially on this server, my first instinct to any form of toxicity, or stress, is to drop it and let it go. To leave it be. Hence why in the first place, I didn’t even think that I would end up making this post. However, at this point, I am hurt, sad, and I want my *side* (honestly, there aren’t any sides here. I am just tired of being painted as someone I am not.) to be out there. Here. For people who are sooooo curious, to understand what happened, why it did, what is going on, and if we are friends. Or, whatever else. This post likely answered a lot of unanswered questions. I, for one, am tired. Wyrmrest Accord is known for a lot of unnecessary drama, and I do not want to be caught up in it at all, because I made a *healthy* decision for myself. Yes, I could have said goodbye. Yes, I really could have. However, when your messages to the person you RP with feel ignored, as if they are being brushed off, why would I give a goodbye note, when there was nothing else that I could say? I was told by S 3-4 different times that he wanted to step away (where he did once, for real) from the RP. I never once looked back on those times, until now. How, on Earth, is me officially stepping away from indecisiveness, something that I should be blamed for? That I made a decision, that I thought was healthy for both of us?

You want to RP on this game for fun. Not for OOC drama. IC drama, go for it. Chances are, OOC drama will push to the surface somehow, sadly. However, when I play this game and make friends, I want to spend my time with people / RP partners who I can communicate with. Who I can talk to. Who won’t ditch me, then ignore the fact that I was ditched, only to go back to it, and be like, ‘Yes, I did ditch you. But..’ No. Stop. I have been ditched, I have waited up on countless, long ass damn hours on the game to RP with this person, only to be pushed aside a handful of times. I have fought and protected for this person, and I am so *TIRED* of being made out the bad guy. I am so tired of being made out the bad guy, when I never ONCE said anything bad about Symmaril. I have never on this tumblr page (go ahead and fuggin be a Detective, my dude) said anything bad about this guy. I am tired of people PMing me and accusing Phaeith of being a cheater, and I a disloyal RP partner. If anyone knows Phaeith, or has met the character, then you know how much she gushed about her husband at the time. You know how kind she is, and you *know* that yes, she snuggles people up, but she has never cheated on him. Right now? She is taking her time with her heart, as well.

If any of you have ever had to step away from an RP relationship for OOC reasons, then many of you know that it *is* a hard decision, and it never gets easier. Suddenly, doing something for yourself turns into such a problem, and you get painted the bad guy. Let me clarify myself, before I end this post... I loved writing with Sym. Every single minute, I loved it. The rare times we would, I loved it. I loved our friendship, and I enjoyed, *and* appreciated him as a friend. I am guilty for not saying goodbye, and for not telling him about the kick. I now hope that many of you who have been given information of me being some type of “serpent” took the time to read every single paragraph in this article, because I am tired of the harassment. I am tired of people belittling me for stepping away from a friendship that although I enjoyed, was miserable and unhappy for me. I am tired of the fake people around me, and I am *so* tired of how Wyrmrest Accord jumps to the smallest ounce of drama, to attempt and make it bigger. I say Wyrmrest, when it is only a handful of people.. Guys. I stepped away because it was stressful to me. I want to be able to communicate with my RP partner, that is important to me. I want to know if I am staying up (literally for scheduled, not randomly staying up) for RP with my RP partner is going to really happen, or if I will be ditched time, and time again. What pains me the most is that although this post was not made with any harsh intentions, I am disappointed to see that this is the way things have to be.

If you read all the way until this post, thank you. Thank you for taking your precious time to read my post. I wanted to get my voice out there, because I am tired of being slandered, just because I am silent. I am tired of the drama, and I do not understand why my decision of removing something bad in my life, was such a problem. Why it *is* a problem. Oh, and Phaeith’s IC reasoning was explained in the post I titled, ‘Gone’, if you are still curious.. I want to say if you have anymore questions or concerns, PM me, but.. I don’t really trust opening up that door. However, please. If you came from S’s post to come and bother me, leave me alone. I didn’t do anything, to anyone. I just walked away from something disheartening, alright? - I love you all. Thank you to those of you who have been apart of Phaeith’s RP so far. I appreciate you immensely, and I hope to delve deeper with all of y’all.

XOXO,

Ashley.

#wrarp #horde #drama #voice #enlightening #S&P #bridgeburned

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justasmallbloginabigklainefandom · 8 years ago

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Ace Klaine headcanons

So, I may have rewritten glee/the story of Klaine in my mind three times?

Everything goes as I want it to go - Blaine stays at Dalton edition

Everything goes as I want it to go - Blaine transfers to McKinley edition

Ace!Klaine

And this is the latter.

Personally, I don’t think that Kurt and Blaine are asexual in canon. In fact, I like that they’re so open about the fact that they’re in a sexual relationship, because it still happens too often that mlm relationships are either non-sexual, because Straight People might not be comfortable with it, or that they’re sexual only, only refuting a main problem with Straight People regarding gay pride: them seeing homosexuality (or any non-heterosexual identity) as only sex instead of love.

Then you might wonder: “Well, Yuè, if you’re so happy with Kurt and Blaine being overly sexual in glee, why did you feel the need to rewrite the entire Klaine story with them being asexual?”

Well, m’dude, because being a sex-repulsed asexual in fandom can be quite hard sometimes, so this is mostly for my own sanity and amusement. Their headcanons are based on canon Klaine, some other ace!Klaine fics and headcanons that I’ve read, and of course my own experiences.

Enough talking.

Let’s go.

Although, maybe we need some more talking. tw: acephobia, mentions of rape threat (not in the story, but y’know, “ace discourse”), occasional cissexist language, homophobia, memories of Sadie Hawkins, overusage of the word “bro”.

This isn’t a glee fix, like the first two options. Most of the shit glee pulled them through still happen in this version, although I did change two things for no other reason except for the fact that they bother me a lot. Also, it’s unclear if Finn dies or not.

There’s one moment where unwanted sexual activities happen (I sound like a biology book, jfc), but the moment it becomes clear it’s unwanted, it stops immediately.

Now, for real, let’s go.

Season 1

Glee starts in season 1, guys. We can’t help it that Blaine decided to wait to grace us with his presence until season 2. Just like glee, we will start with Kurt.

Kurt comes out to Mercedes in 1x03 and then to his dad and the rest in 1x04/05. Everything is great, to be honest. He feels relieved, especially since his dad and friends are so okay with it.

Kurt’s like: “Yeah. Dick.”

Only-

In the beginning, he’s in a bliss. He no longer has to awkwardly overhear the girls talking about boys. He no longer has to pretend to be interested in the boys’ girl talk. But something changes.

Kurt loves to talk about Finn’s hair and cute face and his clothing.

The other girls, uhm, rather talk about what’s underneath all that clothing. Why would Quinn share that Finn touched her breasts? Why would Rachel dream about Finn’s junk? Why would Santana do anything (please notice that Santana hasn’t figured out shit yet) at all?

So he googles. He googles a lot and after quite some agonizing nights spent googling, he finds the answer. Isn’t the internet great?

Kurt basically goes through another questioning, but he’s pretty sure he’s all about that ace. He doesn’t tell anyone, though. Not even Mercedes.

He already gets so much shit for being “gay”, what will they do when they found out he’s gay and ace?

So season 1 ends. Kurt’s truly happy and okay, don’t get me wrong, but he’s not out yet.

Season 2

The bullying, just like in glee, gets worse. David Karofsky gets worse- and no one seems to notice. Puck sends him to spy on the Warblers, and just like in the actual glee, Kurt has a hard time realising that places like Dalton exist.

Blaine notices.

So the beginning of the dialogue in 2x06 is the same, that is until Kurt tells him that he’s not even gay- or at least, in the way they think he is. Trusting Blaine and Dalton, he comes out for the first time and it’s liberating.

And Blaine tells him he understands- which kind of pisses Kurt off.

“No you don’t.”

“Yes, yes, I do.”

Because Kurt’s tired of non-ace people thinking that asexuality is the same thing as whatever problem they’re feeling, probably caused by sexual frustration.

“No, Blaine, you really don’t.”

And to Kurt’s surprise, Blaine laughs it off. He’s about to explode when Blaine shows him his right hand. There’s a simple black ring around his middle finger.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Not much changes for 2x07 to 2x13. They become really great friends. Mercedes feels left out. Kurt transfers after his dad’s wedding. Sectionals tie. Flirty duets. Kurt keeps falling more and more for Blaine, whereas Blaine’s an oblivious piece of fuck.

They do get to know each other better. They soon find out that, sure, they’re both asexual, but they’re sooooo different.

Kurt’s pretty sure he’s sex-repulsed. Blaine’s very sex-positive. He just doesn’t feel the need.

Blaine’s pretty chill about people not knowing- as long as they don’t assume he’s straight, he’s okay. Kurt doesn’t want to come out yet because he wants it to be huge, so that people can understand it’s a huge deal.

Later, they’ll find out that Kurt’s dad is overly supportive, whereas Blaine’s family situation is less than ideal.

Kurt, despite not being out, is entirely comfortable being ace. Blaine’s not all the time.

Literally, the only things they have in common is that they’re both homoromantic asexuals.

Kurt gets the confirmation in 2x12: GAP ATTACK!

And then, Rachel Berry throws a party. A party involving alcohol. And Blaine doesn’t question his sexuality, but his romantic orientation. He’s kind of freaking out, because he thought he was sure of himself. That, and the fact that he realises there’s so much more out there. Have you seen the entire aromantic spectrum?

Just like in glee (sorta), he realises that nothing has changed.

Of course, everything in 2x15 becomes irrelevant. Instead of the actual storylines, it’s just them reacting to the Top-Secret Information™ Sue has given them.

By now, they have a code for talking about ace related stuff.

I have an ace hanging on my sleeve,

Which is obviously a pun and mix of “ace up my sleeve” and “[sth] hanging on my sleeve”. Not that being asexual is tiresome (okay, for Blaine it sometimes is), but these are often hard-hitting subjects.

Really, Blaine is so comfortable with sex. Kurt would rather not think about what Blaine does in his room when he’s by himself and he’d also rather not look into Blaine’s browser history.

Sure, Blaine doesn’t do those things because of sexual attraction or anything. It’s a known fact that sexual behavious =/= sexual attraction. It probably relaxes him and he appreciates the intimacy, but Kurt’s just like LALALALALALALALLALA PORN???? HAHAHAHAHA NOPE.

And that’s what they discuss in Sexy. And sure, Kurt gets very uncomfortable, but they talk it through and they once again just get the wake up slap that they’re still two very different people.

Kurt’s happy being around Blaine.

Kurt’s not so happy when Pavarotti dies.

They kiss and start to date (which probably makes Puck cry). They’re of course delighted. Both of them have dreamed about their prince Charming, but they never dared to dream about him being asexual, because they didn’t think that could happen. But it did. They’re not lonely anymore. They have each other and they’re very happy.

Honestly, after 2x16 everything is pretty much the same. They go to the Benefit and confront Karofsky. Kurt transfers back to McKinley. Prom is shit and Blaine opens up about his past and how Sadie Hawkins has also changed his view on his asexuality (again, there’s a reason Blaine’s not always 100% okay with himself). Kurt loses Nationals. Blaine tells him he loves him. They run into Sam and Mercedes and well…

They’re definitely together and they become that obnoxious couple that everyone hates. That summer, Blaine gives Kurt a gift.

It’s a simple black ring.

Season 3

If you watch the transfer scene in 3x01, you know they’ve had a *cough* nice summer together. Blaine transfers to McKinley.

And he lands Tony.

Really, this kid is at a school for two weeks or so, and he lands the lead role in the school musical. He’s killing it.

Artie, on the other hand, doesn’t agree. He clearly tells both him and Rachel that he judges them for having sex and UGH that entire scene is just awful. It hurts Blaine. Of course it hurts him, but it hurts him more than Rachel because he’s fucking asexual, and here’s Artie telling him that he can’t be a great actor without having sex? In fact, he can’t be a normal functioning human without having sex?

He dances in his room, listening to Roxy Music, while telling Kurt everything. Just like Blaine, Kurt can’t stand it, but that’s not the only thing bothering him. Blaine can’t really take a stand against Artie without telling him the truth. Kurt isn’t out yet and he knows that if Blaine starts telling people he’s asexual, they will ask about Kurt.

Remember, Blaine is okay with that. Being asexual is a huge part of him, but he’s still more chill about it. As long as people know he’s not into women, he’s good. He doesn’t mind people thinking he’s gay. When people ask him “so you’re gay?” he politely corrects them and that’s it. When people ask him about his sexuality, he tells them the truth. But as long as they know he’s not into women, he’s got nothing to complain. In his eyes. I get that people *cough*Kurt*cough* feel different about this, but this is how Blaine feels.

Honestly, Kurt not being out for the first three seasons is probably the only semi-OOC part of this story, but I did it with a reason. In my mind, Kurt is not like that at all. He wants people to know, goddamnit. He’s just a bit nervous because he made such a spectacle of coming out as gay (before realizing he’s ace) that he just needs more time to get his shit together.

Sometimes, he must think about Blaine though.

“I know! But I feel like…"

“Feel like what?“

“I feel like I’m pushing you back into the closet. You’ve been at McKinley for weeks and you know that you’re free to be who you are in glee club, but you haven’t acknowledged it at all. They think you’re gay and you think it’s okay.“

“We use it as an umbrella term.“

“Still. I know that you’re not running around with an ace flag wherever you go-” “I should do that, it sounds amazing.” “-because you don’t think your sexuality is the only important thing about you and you’ve always been out with this ‘I literally don’t give a fuck if you know it or not’ attitude, but you cannot deny the fact that this is important to you.“

“Yeah, but I don’t want to push you out of your closet. I know you want to tell your dad first, but it is kinda hard because you came out as gay a year ago.“

That didn’t go exactly as planned, though. Santana gets outed and Burt’s busy trying to take down that awful commercial and of course, he’s talking about his kids shouldn’t be ashamed of their sexuality and how he’s happy with Kurt for being honest and Kurt just blurts it out. He wanted it to be touching and everything, but no. He just said that he’s definitely asexual.

Kurt’s dad replies with: “Hi asexual, I’m dad.”

Which immediately makes the tension disappear. Burt admits that he has no idea what it means and that he doesn’t know how to feel, but that he’s willing to learn. Kurt helps him out.

"So, you and Blaine don’t plan on having sex?"

"No."

"So, every time I yelled that the door had to stay open, it was all for nothing?"

"Daaaaaad.”

After that, he has the courage to come out.

Blaine’s happy for Kurt, but he’s also a bit bitter. Kurt’s dad is so amazing, whereas Blaine’s parents are… not. They aren’t very open about their acephobia, but they simply ignore it. They treat it as if it’s a phase and they’re just waiting for Blaine to “get to his senses”.

“Blaine, you dating another boy? Well, if you really have to, baby.”

“Blaine, you not wanting to have sex? Well, if you believe that’s true then we’ll wait, sweetie.”

It really bothers him, of course. That’s not all. They’re pretty sure it’s not real and that Blaine’s punishing himself for something.

“I think they don’t understand the point of asexuality. Then again, I haven’t explained it to them. I never talk about it at home, because then my mom will go on about how we shouldn’t label ourselves and bla, bla back in my days, we only had gay or straight, why are you making it so difficult for yourself? Do you want to make it harder for you? Why is it so important? Bla, bla, bla…”

But it’s time for more: The New Directions! Kurt loves these kids, that’s true, so he’s happy he finally feels like it’s time to tell the others.

It goes so, so wrong.

Just think of all the worst possible responses to coming out and put them in this moment. There are a lot of glee club members after all. They don’t understand and they’re too caught up in their idea of asexuality that they don’t bother with listening to Kurt.

BUT WAIT. It gets way worse. After Kurt tells them that he really doesn’t want to have sex, the others stare at Blaine with so much pity. They tell him how brave he is and "oh I could never date an asexual” so of course he freaks out and he flat out tells them that he’s also asexual and that they’re all disgusting. The others, still a bit biased, apologise and it will get better, truly, but this was probably one of the worst moments in Kurt’s life.

Why did I do that to him?

It is kind of inspired by the LGBTQ community. I remember thinking I was straight and I always admired the LGBTQ community for being accepting and open and a safe space. When I started to realise I wasn’t straight, I didn’t feel all too bad because I knew that there was an LGBTQ community where people could be themselves. I still love the community, but what a joke. The amount of biphobia and acephobia and panphobia and basically everything against anything that isn’t homosexually gay is disturbing. I was actually quite nervous to post this because of the LGBTQ community calling me homophobic or whatever. “Ace discourse” (aka blogs telling ace people to kill themselves or get raped and that shit) is somewhat normal and that’s a problem. Sure, not everyone is like that, but it feels like the “ace discourse” has gotten worse.

That’s why this happened. The glee club is about acceptance. Kurt never doubted about telling them. It was always such an obvious thing is in head. Glee club is family and they will accept him, that’s what glee club is about. Hell, they just finished an entire week dedicated to Santana (after his brother outed her and got to play the hero, amiright glee?). He just wanted to tell his dad first and that was the hard one. Because, y'know, glee club is a safe space and Kurt will be fine. But that didn’t happen. Is it OOC? Maybe, but the LGBTQ community being exclusive is already “OOC” for a community about acceptance and love and hope.

The glee club does get better. It’s a bit messy at first, but they go back to being #protective (something that would never happen to the LGBTQ community, sorry not sorry). In fact, the Unholy Trinity almost becomes a group of female assassins chasing down Straight People that are idiots.

Life goes on, and so does their relationship. So, remember the sex talk they have in 3x05? I sort of put it after the whole coming out thing. Blaine’s always been more open about being more comfortable, so it’s just them working on comfort zones in general. How far does Kurt want to go when they’re together?

Because when people talk about ace/allo relationships, they always say: “THINK ABOUT THE COMFORT ZONES!” and they’re absolutely right, but that also applies to ace/ace relationships. Hell, even to allo/allo.

There are two (or more) people in a relationship and they’re all different and have different feelings and experiences. You know, Kurt and Blaine talk it through and they’re happy.

Plus, why would you have fun in the bedroom when you can have fun in the kitchen? Burt and Carole come home that day to find the entire kitchen ruined, but at least Kurt and Blaine get to enjoy their freshly baked cake.

Then Cooper decides to visit Lima, and Blaine is low key not so low key freaking out, because he’s never told Cooper about being ace, and even though he’s pretty chill, he really wants to tell him since they’re working on their sibling relationship.

Cooper is one of the many who thinks Blaine’s gay.

Blaine coming out is supposed to show parallels to Kurt coming out to Burt. Both men really want to tell these family members (even Blaine!). Both of them really value the opinions of those family members. Both want their acceptance.

Burt immediately accepts him. He lightens the mood by cracking a joke to make Kurt feel more at ease. Later he admits he doesn’t understand, but since Kurt’s already feeling so much better about it, he’s willing to help.

Cooper isn’t like him. You know Cooper and his mindset. Blaine tells him and just like Burt, Cooper doesn’t understand. But he doesn’t lighten the mood. In fact, he makes it worse by flat-out telling Blaine he doesn’t understand and that he doesn’t really believe him. It’s the more toned-down version of Kurt’s coming out to the New Directions.

"Are you sure, Squirt?”

“Do you really think we’d have this agonizing discussion if I weren’t?”

Blaine has always looked for approval in his family and Cooper is part of that family, but for the first time he tells Cooper. He just tells him that he wants Cooper to know because he cares a lot about Cooper’s opinion. That’s when Cooper starts to realise it is a great deal and that he’s hurting Blaine. Just like Burt told Kurt, he tells Blaine he doesn’t understand (maybe he never will), but he’s willing to learn. Unfortunately by that time the mood is pretty ruined, since Blaine feels like shit. Cooper does learn though, but it was a rough start.

Guess what happens next? You’d expect Chandler, right? Well, you’re somewhat right, but guess what doesn’t happen?

This fucking fight. Neither Kurt nor Blaine is sexually frustrated cause they’re both hella hella ace.

Chandler does exist and since Kurt’s pretty oblivious to flirting and trying to be sexy, he has no idea what’s going on until, just like canon, Rachel confronts him. Worried and freaked out, he turns to Blaine, asking him how he feels about that and Blaine, who’s obviously more knowledgeable about these things, agrees with her. No blee-related overly dramatic and scenic angsty solos needed.

Kurt and Blaine do still have to do the couples counselling thing with Ms. Pillsbury, but there’s no sexually frustrated shit. Blaine’s being distant, like in canon, but Kurt doesn’t go looking for affection anywhere else. Again, no blee-related overly dramatic and scenic angsty solos needed.

That’s it, I guess.

3x18 to 3x22 are pretty much the same. NYADA stuff and the hairgel at the dinosaur prom. And of course Nationals and finding out that the entire season, Kurt’s been nothing more than an accessoire to Rachel’s successful and undeserving storyline.

Kurt and Blaine are happy and in love. Hooray!

Season 4

We know what’s about to happen so let’s get this thing fucking over with.

Kurt and Blaine break up.

They had a great time together during the summer, but they both notice how Kurt’s not really happy. Blaine encourages him to go to New York and they try long-distance. They love each other, but just like in glee, Kurt starts to lose track of Blaine. Kurt’s at Vogue, living the dream and hanging out with fashion icon Isabelle Wright, while Blaine’s running for student president with a former stripper.

But here’s the thing: they’re so goddamn ace. Blaine doesn’t need to fuck a lighthouse in order for Kurt and Blaine to break up, because Blaine isn’t sexually frustrated and tempted to fuck a freaking lighthouse. Praise hallelujah, Blaine does not have to cheat, since the writers thought that was the best way to break up a relationship. It’s so original of them!

Since they’ve always been open and very great at communicating even before they started dating, they decide to break up because long-distance isn’t working. Fuck, Blaine even flies to New York to do this, since they can’t break up over phone and yeah, it shows that Kurt’s life has gone on without Blaine next to him. It hurts both of them, but being together also hurts and love shouldn’t hurt like that. They try to stay friends, but it’s awkward. It isn’t until Thanksgiving, during Sectionals of all times, that they finally talk it through.

Kurt gets into NYADA after all and Burt flies to New York for Christmas. Blaine tags along and it’s pretty clear they’re still into each other, but they know long-distance hurts too much. Despite that, it actually goes uphill with their relationship.

In this season, they obviously have their own storylines when it comes to the ace part: Adam and Sam.

Adam isn’t acephobic. I’ve thought about it, and maybe it’s because I fucking love Adam Crawford, but I didn’t do it. Based on his 6 whole minutes worth of screen time, I came to the realisation it doesn’t fit him. Kurt starts to like him and asks him out. They date and Kurt comes out pretty fast, since he’s all about I’M COMING OUT/I WANT THE WORLD TO KNOW.

Sure, Adam isn’t downright acephobic, but it doesn’t go easy. Kurt’s only been with Blaine, a fellow asexual. Adam admits that he has already thought about Kurt like that so Kurt coming out means that Adam has to change his perspective cause that is definitely not gonna happen. It’s awkward and messy and Adam does try to support him. Ace/allo relationships can work out -rightfully so- but this one doesn’t. Adam was great, but not the one true love Kurt’s been dreaming of.

Not much changes about the Sam storyline. I never believed it was more than a small crush and I actually think Tina’s right about how Blaine needs somewhere to put his love, because Blaine craves affection in his own way. Whereas it was random and overly unecessary, I don’t have much to complain. Sam’s been okay with gay guys possibly crushing on him since day one, or 2x04, and that hasn’t changed.

There’s actually more to the Sadie Hawkins plot (since glee totally disregarded Blaine’s past and trauma and the aftermath of a hate crime and bullying): remember how I linked that to Blaine not being all too happy about being ace all the time?

I haven’t gotten into Blaine’s questioning because it never happened on glee. By the time Blaine does grace us with his presence, he’s already out and everything. We never saw what happened before that and Sadie Hawkins is actually the first glimpse to his past. This also ties together with the fact that Blaine doesn’t feel the need to let everyone know he’s ace. By the time Sadie Hawkins happens, Blaine knows there’s something "wrong” with him. He goes to the dance with Logan (I named the guy after Logan Wright, do not judge me) and in his eyes, the physical part of a possible relationship doesn’t excite him as much as it should. Yeah, they’re young and sure, Blaine’s already explored parts of well, himself, but with another person involved? Maybe, but maybe not? And that’s not right, because he’s a teenage boy so he’s supposed to get turned on every time Logan tells him about his dreams and magazines and about feeling grown up while going through them and “wow Blaine there is this site, you should see it…”

He has heard of word asexual, but that can’t be him. He’s not some plant. He’s not religious. All the misconceptions of asexuality float through his young mind and because of that, he simply refuses to be asexual. When he realises that he is, he breaks down. Sure, by then he knows more about it, but he’s not only into men, but also asexual.

And he remembers that godawful dance where a couple of boys kicked the living shit out of him and Logan for being gay. Being gay is already disturbing to some people. He doesn’t want to be asexual as well. What if Blaine had known by then? What if those guys had known by then? What would they done differently, considering they’d give him a “special treatment” to not only kick the gay but also the ace out of him? Fuck, would he still be here? Logan isn’t.

At Dalton, he learns to love himself. As far as he knows there are no other openly ace students at that school, but the environment only makes it safe enough for Blaine to get his shit together. Just like Kurt, he comes out at Dalton for the first time and people support him. He’s home. He starts to love himself and he becomes proud of being ace. He buys himself a ring, puts an ace pride flag on his computer, and continues life. But sometimes in the back of his head, he just wishes he could be “normal”. He knows he shouldn’t think like that, but the fact that those guys still assumed that part of “normality” about him might have saved his life. He knows there’s also a chance that they weren’t going to give him a “special treatment” and that he’s “overreacting”, but sometimes someone’s thoughts and fears can take over their rationality.

NOW HERE COMES THE EXCITING PART ABOUT SEASON 4: THE HOOK-UP.

Well, that doesn’t happen because these guys don’t want to get in each other’s pants or in anyone’s pants in general. Sure they sing a duet and yeah, it’s pretty clear they’re into each other (despite Adam and Sam), but they’re fucking ace.

4x15 to 4x20 are also pretty much the same. Except for Come What May, not much happened for the boys. Blaine’s random crush on Sam randomly disappears, Kurt has a boyfriend pillow cause it’s comfy, there’s a fucking school shooting, I don’t even remember what happened in 4x19 except for Finn going to college, and McKinley loses its power while Isabelle invites Team Bushwick to sing at a ballet gala.

Kurt is back in Lima for his dad and maybe he’ll patch things up with Blaine as well. It’s probably the happiest moment of Kurt’s young life when he hears that his father is in remission.

Now here’s what’s going to happen. Like I said, this isn’t a rewrite of all the shit glee pulled them through, so even the things I wish I could change have to stay.

And like I also said, 98% of the time I follow the rules. I changed two big moments after all because I just can’t stand it at all. Here’s the first.

Yup folks, I am stopping their engagement and future wedding.

I’ve never been okay with it. I’ve thought about keeping it and then I thought about all the possible reason why them being asexual would mean not getting married like that, but in the end I gave up and broke the rule. I could go on about why I can’t stand it and wish it never happened but you know… been there done that. No Liz and Jan (don’t like them either), no ring box behind Blaine’s back, no Burt discouraging Blaine (rightfully), no me flat-out hating Blaine for his delusions and putting Kurt in this position while they’re broken up for fuck’s sake.

And with that, we swiftly move to season 5.

Season 5

They get back together in an elaborate fashion. Since the engagement doesn’t happen (praise hallelujah) Kurt goes home without a ring on his finger. He and Blaine know that long-distance didn’t work out before, and they know love shouldn’t hurt, but in their months apart they’ve gotten lives without each other so they’re less lonely. Don’t get me wrong: they miss each other very much, but they both have great people to rely on and well, graduation is around the corner.

Kurt starts a band and there he meet Elliott. And hey, guess what? Elliott is a very happy panromantic asexual. I remember when the spoilers about Blaine getting jealous of Elliott first came out, people were speculating about Elliott’s sexuality, because what if he’s straight? But other sexualities got discussed too, and this was my favourite headcanon.

Why did I make Elliott ace as well? Because they need more people to talk to. They have each other and that’s great (amazing even). They still tell each other that every now and then they have an ace hanging on their sleeves. By this point, Blaine’s gotten more comfortable with himself, so their ace stories are mostly about their relationship. Elliott shows up to talk about more ace stuff. For Kurt, having an ace boyfriend and an ace best friend is great.

He still turns to Blaine for his ace stuff. When Blaine gets to New York, he does the same. But honestly, now they both have Elliott as well.

But before Blaine has Elliott, the jealousy kicks in. Sure, Kurt won’t ever sleep with Elliott (to quote Kurt about sex: “ew ew ew”), but what if they kiss? Blaine’s pretty sure Elliott is into Kurt.

Again, not much happens for the remaining episodes of season 5a apart from the Elliott jealousy thing: 5x05 to 5x13. Blaine auditions for NYADA and then sings with puppets, Kurt’s band is taking off and they have a small fight, Kurt’s afraid Elliott is taking over the band, Blaine becomes valedictorian, the New Directions lose and gets disbanded. Kurt and the others alumni come back to celebrate the glee club. And voilà, time for season 5b.

Everything is also the same in 5x14, by the way. I just needed to give that its own paragraph, because that episode is my favourite and it deserves love. Klaine was so good in that episode, y’all.

5x15 means that Blaine’s self-doubt comes back once again (see my part about Sadie Hawkins) and it’s heavy for both of them. Sometimes I have a hard time realising they’re both victims of homophobic hate crimes.

The big one is 5x16. I know it’s named Tested, but I’ve started calling it Sexually Frustrated Swordfights, because it’s one of the four sex-themed glee episodes (2x15, 3x05, 4x14, 5x16).

But hey, guess who doesn’t get sexually frustrated?

Kurt.

Guess who doesn’t get sexually frustrated either?

Blaine.

Honestly, the website thing… if it were to happen, Kurt wouldn’t be that mad at Blaine, because he knows why Blaine goes through those things every now and then, and he’s got nothing to be jealous of. There’s no need for an actual sword fight. Jeez, these boys are dramatic.

Kurt’s a bit more uncomfortable in this episode. As Blaine mentions in the beginning of the episode, people are seeing Kurt as a sexual object and not only Blaine’s uncomfortable with that, but so is Kurt. Kurt knows he’s attractive. He has an awesome body and yes, Blaine does jealous of that. He sees men (and women!) check him out on the subway. He feels good, truly, he’s confident.

But he doesn’t like that he’s seen as sexual.

And as I mentioned, it makes Blaine very insecure. It’s not like he wants to be seen as a sexual person either (although, he wouldn’t mind as much as Kurt), it’s just that his body is awful compared to Kurt’s. Or at least, that’s what he believes.

The entire breakdown in the loft still happens. Kurt’s so much better, right now. Blaine’s feeling like shit. Not only because of his body, but after Bash he’s back to hating himself and his parents split up. And then he remembers the good ole Dalton days, where Blaine was Kurt’s protector and mentor. He used to be so strong, and now he’s not.

About his parents… I’d like to think they made amends. I’d like to think Blaine yelled at them for their acephobia.

I did, and whereas it’s not ideal, I’m okay with my family now.

But Blaine’s family has always intimidated him. Maybe now that his dad has left his mum, he feels the courage to at least talk to her, because I believe Pam loosened up after her divorce.

But yeah, Blaine’s in a bad place right now, but together with Kurt, he works on it. Kurt has gotten used to the unwanted attention and when it goes too far, he calls people out, but otherwise he just lets it happen. He’s still in the center of Blaine’s attention, and that’s all he needs.

5x17 to 5x20 is not much. The Ultimate Rachel Berry Pity Party, June picking Blaine over Kurt, Kurt as Peter Pan, Blaine moving back in the loft. Everything is going uphill.

Until it goes downhill.

Season 6

Kurt and Blaine break up after things get bad at home. Whereas I still don’t really get why they did this to them (they were doing so well in season 5b), it happened. Since glee presented them as an unhappy and unhealthy couple, I respect that they needed to leave each other.

(That, and the fact that I knew they were going to get married in 6x08).

Here’s change no. 2: Blaine dates an OC instead of You-Know-Who (not Voldemort). His name is Ryan. He’s part of all three the rewrites. He’s a gentleman. He lives close to Westerville.

Blaine isn’t the biggest fan of Scandals, but you know, he’d just overcome his depression (kinda. It’s still hard on days), he has a job he likes, he’s good, so why not celebrate at a gay bar?

They start to date and it’s sweet. Again, Ryan is a gentleman.

It’s also sexy.

Which is new.

I also have a headcanon that Ryan is one of those bro-bros, since Blaine’s apparently into that out of nowhere (*cough*You-Know-Who*cough*). He has a couple of bros that also adore Blaine. But there’s also his ultimate bro: his best bro.

Ryan likes Blaine, but man, he can be frustrating.

“I don’t know, bro. He’s never really into taking it a step further.”

“Bro, what do you mean?”

“Like, every time shit gets heated, he starts talking about lesson plans or bowties or fuck what, and I don’t think he realises he’s interrupting something. He’s just genuinely excited about bowties while we’re making out.”

“Bro.”

Ryan is older so he lives on his own. Since it’s pretty close to Dalton, Blaine goes there quite often, and without a mother like Pam Anderson around, things can get heated.

And it freaks him out.

He’s always known he’s very okay with these things, but how the hell is going to come out to Ryan? He slowly starts to lose his pride. He doesn’t even know where he left his ring for fuck’s sake.

Is he back to not being comfortable with himself?

Hell, he doesn’t even know.

When things get very serious one day, he just tells Ryan that he’s never done this before and that he needs some time to fully explore everything. Ryan’s a bit confused, because he knows Blaine was in a committed relationship, but he doesn’t ask. Blaine’s told him he’s gone through a messy break-up and that he doesn’t want to talk about his ex. Ryan just assumes Blaine’s ex is religious or he has whatever reason not to have sex he respects that and he respects Blaine.

It doesn’t cross his mind that Blaine wasn’t going to have sex either.

There’s a big time jump between season 5 and 6, so they have time. Blaine’s a bit overwhelmed, that’s for sure, but it feels quite good. At one point, they sleep together (and not just sleeping) and it was really, really good. Blaine enjoyed it.

Back to the bros!

“Bro, I’m just so confused.”

“What is it this time, bro?”

“Like, sleeping with Blaine is fucking great and I’m pretty sure he feels the same, but he never makes the first move. I’m always the one suggesting, bro, it’s been like that since we dated.”

“Just talk about it.”

“But, bro, I feel like there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m pretty sure Blaine’s not teasing me or anything. He just never initiates anyting intimate.”

“Bro, respect that.”

“Bro, I do, but I’m just so confused about that. We like being together. You know, the other day I suggested Netflix and Chill. You wanna know what he said to that?”

“Yeah.”

“He said: ‘I make the popcorn, you choose the movie!’”

“BRO.”

“He wasn’t even kidding. It wasn’t until I told him what I really meant that it clicked for him.”

And Blaine’s freaking out. He feels like it’s too late to tell him now that they’ve slept together. Kurt and Adam didn’t work out. Elliott has told him his relationships didn’t always work out.

By the time he’s completely freaking out, he has basically forgotten about Kurt. Ryan asks him to go to a bar with the bros, and Blaine accepts. Ryan tells him a friend is coming back to visit or whatever.

It’s Kurt.

Well, that is awkward.

Both of them are absolutely floored when they see each other. Kurt was going to text Blaine to meet up, but he didn’t expect to see Blaine like that with a new guy. They try to be polite, but the awkwardness is palpable. Kurt excuses himself, telling the others he needs to use the bathroom (to cry) and that he’s gonna order a drink, and Blaine follows the bros to their booth.

There he tells Ryan and the others about their history. Ryan apologizes. He truly didn’t know. He and Kurt aren’t that close, so they never really talked about personal stuff.

It’s awkward and Blaine’s pretty sure that setting himself on fire would be less painful, but when he sees Kurt, who’s clearly been crying, ordering a drink at the bar, he gets up.

He tells Ryan he needs to fix this.

He doesn’t tell him he doesn’t mean Kurt and Blaine’s friendship or whatever relationship.

He goes to Kurt and he tells them that, yeah, this is fucking awkward, but if they could just put aside their differences for one night because holy shit, Blaine has a HUGE ace hanging on his sleeve and he’s been dying to talk about it.

Both Kurt and Elliott were off-limits (Elliott’s too close to Kurt) and this is going to be painful, but Blaine needs Kurt. He didn’t want to turn to the internet, because he felt like he needed to speak about something like this in person, and he hasn’t come out to his therapist, because he’s afraid she’ll tell him it’s fake and because of trauma.

Kurt tells Blaine to sit down and Blaine tells Kurt everything (occasionally apologizing for more talking about the more sexual details). Blaine’s basically having a breakdown in a public bar while speaking to his ex, knowing that his new boyfriend is probably watching them.

Oh, how awkward.

As awkward as it is, they both know what’s like to feel trapped. Before they met each other at Dalton, they had no one to turn to. Kurt tells him that he needs to be honest with Ryan and that there’s nothing to be ashamed of.

“Do not apologize for being yourself, Blaine.”

Kurt takes off his own ring and gives it to Blaine, asking him to return it the moment he finds his own. At that point, Blaine’s probably openly crying, but hey, it’s glee.

Kurt also apologizes for what has happened between them. They actually have a conversation about that, since glee decided to completely overlook that despite having the opportunities.

Blaine’s a bit shakery, but he makes his way back to the booth. Ryan, who thinks they’ve only talked about their break-up, comforts him. Later, Kurt joins the others.

It’s fine. There’s still a little bit of awkwardness left, but both boys feel so much better after their conversation.

That day, Blaine goes home and he finds his ring. He texts Kurt (they never deleted each other’s numbers) to tell him. Ryan comes over the day after and so does Kurt. Wow, awkward again. Blaine gives back the ring, since he’s now wearing his own. Kurt tells Blaine to talk to Ryan.

He does in 6x03, because unlike in glee, Blaine doesn’t get locked in a sheet music store. Blaine is the one who always rushes things, so of course he accepts when Ryan suggests him moving in. Since Ryan already has the apartment, Brittany doesn’t have to furnish it for them. She does stop by to give them rainbow printed decorations, of course.

After the move has been finalised, Ryan obviously kisses Blaine because he’s happy for the both of them. It leads to more- much more. It becomes clear that Ryan is more interested in taking off Blaine’s new jacket instead of talking about the store he bought it at. Blaine’s excited. It’s fun and great and wow.

Until it’s not.

Ryan is more rougher than usual and Blaine slowly starts to realise that this is not good at all. It’s not excitable anymore. In fact, it hurts. So he tells Ryan to stop and since Ryan is still the definition of gentleman, he immediately does.

Blaine’s basically having another breakdown and I just feel so bad for all the shit I’m pulling this kid through. He locks himself in the bathroom until he’s more calmed down. When he opens the door to the bedroom, Ryan is waiting for him, clearly worried. He immediately hands Blaine some pants (such a gentleman) and asks him what is going on and if he can help.

Blaine tells him. Ryan listens and occasionally asks questions, and Blaine tells him he didn’t want to tell him because he felt like he was too late and that he didn’t want Ryan to dump him. To his surprise, the conversation goes well. He keeps restraining himself from saying "I’m sorry” every sentence though, but that’s because he remembers Kurt telling him that he shouldn’t feel ashamed for being himself.

Back to the bros! I love them, since their “bro-ness” is so cringy and unnecessary.

“Bro, I figured it out with Blaine.”

“Cool, bro, what’s up?”

“He’s asexual, bro.”

“What?”

“A-S-E-X-U-A-L, bro. He sent me some links to info sites and it’s fucking huge and interesting. You ought to read it too.”

“Bro, why not? Of course I’ll read that shit.”

Meanwhile, Kurt has met Walter. Whereas a part of me thinks the Walter storyline is even worse that Blaine dating not-Voldemort, another part of me has also never believed they were dating. Maybe I’m naive but in my mind they’re just friends that go on outings that they jokingly call dates after they realise it’s not gonna happen. That’s why he’s still here.

Of course Kurt has told Walter, since Kurt wants people to know. Walter makes a small derogatory joke about how that’s a reason they should be happy they decided not to date. Kurt’s hurt and confronts him about that, since he’s implying that ace people can’t love, and Walter apologizes.

Just like that, they’re both kinda happy living their own lives. It’s still a bit uncomfortable to run into each other, but they will get there. They can’t help it that Sue Sylvester decided to speed things up for her own amusement. Kurt and Blaine are not happy that they’re being forced into physical contact. They’re fine with kissing, but only when it’s with their consent. Sure, when they do kiss, they do it out of their own consent, but in the beginning they’re not happy with their former Cheerio coach.

Plus, those air drugs that promotes sexual stimulation by increased blood flows to the male genitalia don’t affect them anyway.

Yet, in the elevator they rediscover each other. It’s no them trying to fix whatever relationship. It’s them genuinely enjoying being around each other and them chatting as if nothing has happened. Unfortunately, they need to get out. It’s really hot in there (definitely not sexually hot), and Blaine’s not fond of confined spaces. They kiss and get the hell out of there, but the awkwardness of them being exes is no longer necessary.

Which starts to mess with both of them. Blaine’s caught up with his feelings for Ryan and his returning feelings for Kurt. Kurt’s never had any feelings for Walter, so fuck him, he’s just trying to suppress his feelings for Blaine, since he thinks that’s what Blaine wants.

Communication.

Boys, you two used to ace that.

Pun intended.

Although, back then everything was different. They weren’t ex-lovers back then. Hell, they weren’t even lovers back then. Blaine decides to stay away from Kurt for his own sanity, and because he hasn’t really come to his senses about the New Directions. He thinks they no longer want him since he’s back to being a Dalton boy or whatever bullshit. Oh Blaine.

The New Directions prove him wrong, though. Not only is he invited to sing for Brittany and Santana and for a dinner at Mr. Schue’s, he’s also invited for yet another hectic Rachel Berry party. Yes y’all, it’s time for 6x07. Not much changes, if I may say.

Kurt makes sure they sing together and the fishing starts! Kurt’s pretending that he and Walter are very serious and Blaine’s pretending Ryan can be jealous, but they’re both fishing for information. Because of that, they both think that the other isn’t interested anymore.

But Blaine realises he’s very interested when they sing Somebody Loves You together. He needs to leave because he and Ryan and the bros are going to see a game, but woops, he kisses Kurt.

He’s fucked.

After the game, Ryan tells Blaine that he knows that Blaine’s still into Kurt and he tells him to go after him. It’s bittersweet, but both of them know it’s for the best. Kurt, Blaine, and Ryan will stay friends, but that’s it.

We all know who’s waiting in the choir room with Kurt, though: Walter.

Again, Blaine has no clue. He thinks they’re really dating and his heart shatters. At the double-date, Kurt realises that something has happened, but he doesn’t know what.

He starts to get what is going on when Brittany and Santana’s wedding is about to happen. He doesn’t want to take Walter to that fucking wedding. He wants Blaine. He runs after him (Blaine’s back to living with his mum, btw) and they kiss and get back together and guess what?

THEY ACTUALLY HAVE A VERY SERIOUS CONVERSATION ABOUT THEIR RELATIONSHIP AND HOW IT WENT WRONG AND HOW IT AFFECTED THEM AND HOW THEY NEED TO IMPROVE, BECAUSE THEY’RE NOT IDIOTS AND I DON’T FORGET ABOUT SHIT LIKE THAT LIKE GLEE DOES.

Brittany and Santana get married and they cheer for their friends, because remember how I stopped their wedding? Yeah.

Since they’re not on their honeymoon, Kurt helps the glee club with Myron and Blaine’s at Dalton with the Warblers.

After that, things in 6x10 to 6x13 go as canon. DALTON ACADEMY BURNS TO THE FUCKING GROUND FOR NO REASON?? Blaine’s been accepted into NYU. They win Sectionals. McKinley becomes an art school. Kurt and Blaine go back to New York.

Over there, Elliott and Dani are waiting for them. Since Blaine and Elliott go to the same school now, there’s a new version of Glitter Rock Vampire in less than a week. Rachel, Brittany, Santana, Artie and Tina join them, and so do Kitty and Rodrick after one and two years.

And that, folks, is glee.

5 years later

It’s supposed to be the best day of their lives. All their friends and family members are here, but there’s only one thing nagging them.

The well-meaning wedding guests that tell them it’s okay if they want to leave the reception a little bit earlier so that they can spend their wedding night together *wink wink* *nudge nudge*.

It’s as if some of them don’t even grasp the point of asexuality.

They wear their wedding rings on their left hands and their ace rings on their right hands. Plus, it’s not as if it’s that big of secret anymore. In the past five years, they’ve both made a name for themselves. Blaine mostly in the Broadway community, but he’s also a Grammy nominated musician (he lost to Mercedes and he can live with that). Kurt’s an Obie winner for sure, but he prefers fashion and Hummel Brag a bit more, since being an actor means that he sometimes has to act out things he’s not entirely comfortable with.

Both of them have come out on national TV during interviews. Not because they had to. It wasn’t even that big of a deal. They just mentioned it in passing and it’s out in the world now.

Blaine’s even one of the mods of one of the biggest asexual sites and Kurt makes ace pride merch.

But those wedding guests be damned. They’re married and it’s the ceremony of their dreams- with other words, the one glee deprived them off. They’re surrounded by people they love, and there’s a baby on the way.

They’re good.

#lb 2017 #ace!klaine #ace!kurt #ace!blaine #klaine #glee #wow this took me a couple of days to write down #otp: flaws and changes #klaine headcanon

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